Alcohol

It’s Dry January!

December is a month of excess, end most days too full and gin heady. Sleep soundly to wake with no alarm and no agenda for the day.

New year’s eve ends in a passed out state as I can’t just have a couple. Roll around January 1st and we have dry January.

It’s a mixed bag. It’s great to wake with no headaches and the extra calories are not missed albeit replaced with Christmas chocolate. However, there is a sense of anxiety. I’ve said it before I have a complicated relationship with alcohol, I use it as a way to avoid actually dealing with problems, as a way to get to sleep if I’m a bit anxious, need to be early or am somewhere new. Use it to loosen up and quieten the mind when I’m in a social situation. Tipsy Serena can talk, sober Serena sits and mutters awkwardly and rather than face it, I have a couple.

Dry January allows none of this, I must do it all without drink and to be honest. It’s been easy so far and I’ve not missed it but I’m starting to panic, will I do it? What happens when I drink again? Will I go back to my bad habits? I don’t want to become an alcoholic, a liability, a drunk, but I also want to be able to drink and not feel guilty for it, scared of it. I want to be like normal people.

I’ve mentioned before that many people with OCD are sober because drink makes it worse. Drink raises your heart rate and can cause anxiety making the symptoms of those that suffer worse. I don’t want to be sober forever, I just want to be sure I can be if I want to, I want to be certain. OCD certain.

I’m always happy to chat and if you would to reach out to me, please see the ‘Contact’ tab, however I am not a mental health professional and if you would like this support please see the ‘Support’ tab.